Charting your course in life is very much like making a journey in a sailboat. Here are some steps for making the trip smooth and fulfilling.
PREPARE TO SET SAIL:
The ocean of life is full of opinions and options. In this age of information overload, it becomes increasingly difficult and time consuming to choose a direction to head in. It leaves many drained and confused. How do you make your way?
First, determine that YOU are the Captain. No one else is allowed to steer your ship. Allow no one to make final decisions for you. You are the one who is ultimately responsible for YOUR happiness and has to live with the choices made.
Do a thorough check of your ship’s hull to be sure it is in order. It’s design affects the stresses your ship will be able to endure and the cargo you can carry. This foundation is your beliefs and values defined by your world view. Each person’s understanding of how the world works is shaped by a combination of personal experiences, observations, and the teaching they have received throughout their lives. Your world view includes your assumptions about life, love, marriage, children, career, and health, etc.
Once you know the overall structure of your ship, you can focus on its rudder and sails. Your ship will be steered through the experiences set by your life goals. Life goals define the ultimate destination you desire. They describe the kind of person you hope you will grow to be and the experiences you will have. The basic structure of the vessel is likely to remain constant. In contrast, the rudder and sails will adjust in response to storms and fluctuating currents. Similarly, life goals will need to change as your development reveals your strengths, talents, and interests and as you gain new experiences or new information.
You must also consider the passenger list. How many passengers do you have? Who are they? Are they children, family, friends, acquaintences? What makes each one unique? Do they add value to your journey or do they just take up space on your ship?
The next step is choosing your crew and cargo. Who is on the crew to assist you with the journey? You will need to choose members that possess strengths and knowledge you do not. The crew is also there to take care of duties that you do not have time to do as the captain. For example, an accountant to do your taxes, a coach to guide you, a housekeeper to clean your home, a babysitter to watch your children, a fitness trainer to help keep you in shape. The cargo your ship will carry is the resources you have available. These include money, assets, your home, the environment you live in and the people around you.
Your final step before setting sail is charting the actual course. Long- and short-term goals will help define your course. Long-term goals are like a compass that provides overall direction and purpose for your journey. Short-term goals are the “ports of call” along the way and help measure your progress towards your desired destination. These goals should be reflected in your daily, weekly, and monthly tasks and activities. They will be affected by the strengths and weaknesses of your crew, passengers, time constraints, travel schedules, illness, etc.
SET SAIL:
When you have identified your beliefs, values and world view, considered the uniqueness of your passengers, crew and cargo, determined your goals, selected a destination, and gathered resources, you are ready to confidently set sail to a life you love!
As your voyage unfolds, you will have the ability to adjust the rudder and sails to make course corrections.
Many course corrections will be needed throughout your journey as the winds and currents shift. Periodic review of your short- and long-term goals will be necessary to keep up with these changes. New information, new resources, and even new living conditions will impact your decisions. In the sailing world, if a ship gets off course even one or two degrees and does not correct it will veer out at an entirely different angle on the compass. Over time, it will end up very far from the destination intended. Conversely, to get back on course it may only takes a few minor shifts in degrees to correct. In a panic, people will “overcorrect” when they notice they aren’t going in the direction they desire. They turn the ship’s wheel too sharply and end up capsizing their ship.
As the Captain, be confident are are prepared and well equipped to weather any storm in life. Remember to enjoy the journey and the “ports of call” since you never really know when you will reach your destination.
Heal your Holiday grief with this series of teleclasses being offered by my friend and colleague, Master Martha Beck Coach, Martha Atkins.
Grief that has not been released or addressed can be a major cause of illness and pain. Whether you’ve recently lost someone or are still dealing with grief from twenty years ago, this can help you heal.
Tears, Fears, and Light: Negotiating The Holidays When Someone You Love Is Dying
Monday, December 21st- 9a pacific/10a mountain/11a cst/12p eastern
Presents and Presence: Missing Your Mom or Dad This Holiday Season
Monday, December 21st-11p pacific/12p mountain/1p cst/2p eastern
The Ornaments Make Me Cry: Getting Through The Holidays When Your Child Has Died
Monday, December 21st-1p pacific/2p mountain/3p cst/4p eastern
For parents who have experienced the death of a child of any age.
Missing Your Brother or Sister This Holiday Season
Tuesday, December 22nd – 9a pacific/10a mountain/11a cst/12p eastern
The Nights Are Too Silent: Surviving The Holidays After the Death of Your Spouse or Partner
Tuesday, December 22nd-11a pacific/12p mountain/1p cst/2p eastern
You will learn:
* what to do with all the feelings you’re having and how normal you really are even if you don’t feel that way.
* ways to connect with your loved one whether they’re still with us or not.
* three practical ways to care of yourself that don’t involve excess eggnog or running away to Tahiti.
* an activity to do on your own or as a family, one my clients say has reminded them the most meaningful and treasured gifts don’t cost any money at all.
Choose the class that best fits your situation and join in. The cost is $19. Once you sign up, you will receive a link to the conference. You can listen in by phone or on the web and can send any questions you have by email before or during the call. Everyone who signs up will receive a recording of the call.
This Motherhood Redefined event rocked the lives of the moms who attended. I was lucky enough to speak at and attend this cool event in Scottsdale, AZ. Check out more at Motherhood Redefined. Future events coming next year!
Make your list public. Making your goals public solidifies your commitment to them, holds you accountable, and helps you connect with others who share your interests. You’ll discover connections to social and professional networks that you didn’t know you had and gets lots of encouragement from the people who care most about you. So make sure to tell friends, family members, and coworkers about your list and post it on the Internet at 43Things.com.
Include serious and fun goals. Vary the scope of your goals and include some wild just-for-fun dreams. Also, don’t be afraid to complete less daunting goals first. Building momentum from these early successes helps you find the courage to tackle larger tasks.
Include undefined goals. Avoid overlooking a developing passion or interest by fearlessly adding goals even if you can’t totally articulate them. If you wake up one morning with the desire to create art, add it to the list. Let the idea simmer in your mind until something more specific emerges.
Document progress. While reviewing the list, record your progress and determine the next steps. Documenting progress allows you to identify behavior patterns or other obstacles keeping you from accomplishing goals-it can also show you how far you’ve come.
Make goals manageable but rewarding. Divide big goals into smaller tasks, but not so small that they become tedious. Taking incremental steps keeps you from getting overwhelmed by a monumental goal. For example, instead of vowing to “get organized” try listing “declutter the garage.”
Define the finish line. You’ll find it easier to complete certain tasks and track progress if you determine the duration, results, or final outcome you desire from achieving a specific goal. Revise vague goals such as “give back to my community” by specifying what kind of work you want to do. You may not be able to do this right away-as we said, undefined goals are good, too.
Prioritize goals. Arrange your goals to reflect what you want to begin working on right away. You may want to run a marathon and get a promotion at work, but rather than trying to find the time and energy to run thirty miles a week and put in long hours at the office, focus on the goal that’s more important to you.
Maintain a manageable list. Somewhere between twenty and forty-three is a sweet spot for many people. Limiting your life list to forty-three goals forces you to make some choices. Fewer than twenty goals doesn’t offer enough variety to keep you moving forward.
Review your list weekly. It sharpens your focus, keeps up your momentum, and reminds you of what’s important. As you review the list, ask yourself, “What have I done to achieve a particular goal this week?” If the answer is “nothing,” is this goal important enough to keep on your list?
Revise and remove goals. A life list should be constantly evolving-it should reflect what’s important to you right now, not what mattered in the past. Remember, there’s no penalty for changing your mind or tweaking a goal to better reflect your desired outcome or new circumstances. A short-lived passion for making pottery can be reborn as “find a creative outlet,” or ambitions to get straight A’s in chemistry can be tossed because sometimes a passing grade is enough of a victory.
Nike, McDonald’s, BMW, Disney, and Coca Cola all are brands. A brand is an image, identity, or message a company uses to represents itself.
What is your personal brand? It is a reflection of the REAL YOU and what you value. Most people aren’t living their true brand, just a cheap imitation of someone else’s brand or vision that don’t quite fit (like a shoe that is one size too small!)
IS THIS YOU? Then you will love this class!
You lost your identity to motherhood or your busy career and want it back!
You want to make a stronger statement in the world.
You are often wishy-washy or indecisive when making decisions.
You want your needs and desires to be understood and met.
As a result of this teleclass, you WILL:
Learn what you value most and know your unique brand.
Begin attracting the people, things and circumstances you desire!
Make decisions quicker and more confidently.
Create an action plan to make your language, appearance and home reflect the REAL YOU.
TELECOURSE DETAILS
DATE: Sunday, February 22, 2009
TIME: 6 – 7 pm MST (5 pm PT/ 7 pm CST/ 8 pm EST)
COST: Free
TO REGISTER: Email me by 2/21 awc@allisoncabral.com to receive dial-in phone number and access code
Daily OM Horoscope – Unique daily horoscopes that give you inspirational insights based on your astrological sign every day.
Beliefnet – Inspiration, Spirituality, Faith. – many newsletters to choose from.
Lime – Info and resources to help you to live a healthier, greener lifestyle.
SparkPeople – Health & fitness tips, recipes and motivation for a healthier lifestyle.
A Course In Miracles – Register at Oprah.com and sign up. Marianne Williamson guides you through A Course in Miracles every day.
Peter Walsh Clutter Crew – Register at Oprah.com and each month Peter Walsh will send you his exclusive step-by-step projects to help you create the home you’ve always dreamed of.
Creating a life you love begins with being grateful for what you already have. Then the Universe will start giving you more. A daily practice of gratitude is essential for happiness. My gratitude list is pretty long but here are this morning’s top 7.
The gorgeous Arizona sunrise I am watching right now.
My sister, Susan. She is an amazing intuitive and makes me laugh til I almost pee my pants.
My daughters – it is remarkable how they can warm my heart and make me want to wring their necks all at the same time!
coffee – the aroma of a fresh brewed pot – mmmmm…
The iphone – it is a miracle how well it helps me run my life. I didn’t know if was possible to fall in love with a piece of technology!
Yoga – for its ability to center me and feel great!
Blueberries – I love those yummy balls of sweetness on top of my morning muesli.
I’d love to know what Suzanne and Amber are grateful for!
Join the GRATITUDE Challenge
Compose a “Statement of Gratitude” (Why are you grateful and what are you grateful for?) This can be serious or funny.
Post this statement with a creative title.
Copy from “START COPY*” through “*END COPY*,” and paste at the end of your post. Add your site to the end of the list.
I will add your post to my site with a link back and add your site to the main list.
I suggest keeping your list current so that everyone who participates gets maximum benefit.
Go HERE for more details (optional.) *START COPY* In order to be able to achieve and maintain happiness we need to, actively, be able to do two things:
Complain and then let go (Dump the baggage, the roadblocks to happiness.)
Openly Express Gratitude (The open expression of gratitude promotes happiness.)
After all, everyone has something to be grateful for and/or something to complain about. If you would like to accept the challenge, please follow the appropriate link and do so: “Are You Grateful?“, “Complain Complain Complain.”
On Mother’s Day, moms everywhere will receive cards, flowers, massages and breakfast in bed. As good as it feels to receive these gifts, there is a valuable and overlooked gift that mothers can give to themselves everyday – it is the gift of experiencing the “present” (moment).
Because of busy, over scheduled lives and managing family, career and households, adults tend lose touch with the present moment and instead focus on past regrets and worry about future outcomes. Consequently, when they lose touch with the present, it leads to thinking that they need something more to be happier.
There is very little in life that is an actual need. Once basic human needs are met (food, shelter, clothing, safety, love and esteem), everything beyond that could be considered a want or icing on the cake.
People often believe more money and more stuff will make them happier. They work their way up the ladder gathering awards, promotions and luxury items only to find themselves still unhappy. In fact, a recent Princeton study debunks the more money equals more happiness myth.
So, if money and stuff don’t buy happiness, and people don’t need more than the basics to be happy, then what do they really need? I believe all they need is the “precious present”. (Read the book The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson, it’s a moving story about the importance of being present.)
The “present” is about appreciating and being present to the joy in each daily moment — like hearing our children’s laughter, smelling the freshness of the morning air, noticing the beauty of the sunset, and feeling the warmth of a hug. The “present” is the best gift I have ever experienced. When I slow down and fully immersed in the now, I feel at peace and complete.
In my own quest to love my life and be a better parent, I found these tips on how to help my children improve their organization and focus at home and school. Even though they were found at an ADHD site, I think they can be applied to anyone’s life to help better cope with our hectic modern lives.
Create a schedule. Try to follow the same routine every day.
Put up a copy of the schedule to provide visual reinforcement. Post the schedule in a prominent place so your child can see where he or she is expected to be during the day and when it’s time for homework, play, and chores.
Try to keep tasks simple. Try not to have too many things on the schedule for your child to remember. This way he or she has a better chance of completing each task-which can provide a sense of accomplishment.
Help your child get organized. Work with your child to create a “home” for his or her backpack, toys, and clothing so these items will be less likely to get lost. Give your child a checklist that he or she can refer to before coming home from school, to help your child remember to bring home important papers and homework assignments.
Always try to use brief, clear directions. For example, when reminding your child to pick up his or her clothes, consider saying, “please pick up your clothes” instead of “it would be nice if you picked up your clothes.”
Limit distractions. It may help to have the TV, radio, and computer games off when your child is performing tasks that require concentration, especially homework.
Offer choices so your child feels involved in making decisions. However, it’s best to offer no more than two alternatives so that he or she isn’t overwhelmed or overstimulated.
Goals and rewards can be effective. You can use a chart to list goals and track positive behaviors, then reward your child’s efforts. Goals should be realistic (think baby steps, not overnight success) and rewards need not be expensive (e.g., an extra half hour of TV time, choosing the movie on family movie night). I use the Superstars chart. There are some useful downloadable worksheets.
Decisive, positive discipline usually works best. Using timeouts or removal of privileges can help, but try to tie the consequences to the inappropriate behavior (e.g., if your child doesn’t wear a helmet while bike riding, he or she doesn’t get to ride for the rest of the day).
Encourage your child’s natural talents. You know your child has unique skills. When others see those skills as you do, it may lead to greater success for your child. In addition, when your child is doing something he or she loves and is good at, it can build confidence and self-esteem.
One of my clients recently said “I give up! I’m done. I’m so overwhelmed I just want to end it. Just a quick hard left over a bridge and it would be over.” Well, that’s just a bright cheery thought now, isn’t it?! I think/hope she is just kidding! So you may ask…What is going on with her? — She is dealing with incredible fear. Now I could side, agree with her, and keep her stuck– afterall, she is going through difficult times… Or I can offer her a solution.
One solution to calm FEAR in the moment (this is quoted from Become Fearless): “Before you’re about to do something scary (confront a friend, start a new job, ask for a date), imagine someone who would be proud or grateful if you took this risk. It could be a relative, a mentor, your inner child, or a historic or fictional character. Before you step into your scary situation, visualize this person by your side, holding your hand, or in your arms. Let yourself really feel their presence—and take them in with you. You’re not alone, and there is strength in numbers!”
I do this exercise on a regular basis. I imagine my special someone with me all the time. In my mind, he holds me, whispers he loves me, kisses me on the shoulder and I even imagine him teasing me and saying “why don’t you just cry about it!!” when I am really feeling the fear! Then I laugh at myself and step into my fear.
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