Posts Tagged ‘perfectionism’

Unbox Yourself – If You’re Open to Growth, You Tend to Grow

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

A client of mine shared this NY Times article with me… I thought it was good to pass on….

WHY do some people reach their creative potential in business while other equally talented peers don’t?

After three decades of painstaking research, the Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck believes that the answer to the puzzle lies in how people think about intelligence and talent. Those who believe they were born with all the smarts and gifts they’re ever going to have approach life with what she calls a “fixed mind-set.” Those who believe that their own abilities can expand over time, however, live with a “growth mind-set.”

Guess which ones prove to be most innovative over time.

“Society is obsessed with the idea of talent and genius and people who are ‘naturals’ with innate ability,” says Ms. Dweck, who is known for research that crosses the boundaries of personal, social and developmental psychology.

“People who believe in the power of talent tend not to fulfill their potential because they’re so concerned with looking smart and not making mistakes. But people who believe that talent can be developed are the ones who really push, stretch, confront their own mistakes and learn from them.”

In this case, nurture wins out over nature just about every time.

While some managers apply these principles every day, too many others instead believe that hiring the best and the brightest from top-flight schools guarantees corporate success.

The problem is that, having been identified as geniuses, the anointed become fearful of falling from grace. “It’s hard to move forward creatively and especially to foster teamwork if each person is trying to look like the biggest star in the constellation,” Ms. Dweck says.

In her 2006 book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” she shows how adopting either a fixed or growth attitude toward talent can profoundly affect all aspects of a person’s life, from parenting and romantic relationships to success at school and on the job.

She attributes the success of several high-profile chief executives to their growth mind-set, citing an ability to energize a work force. These include John F. Welch Jr. of General Electric, who valued teamwork over individual genius; Louis V. Gerstner Jr. of I.B.M., who dedicated his book about I.B.M.’s turnaround to “the thousands of I.B.M.’ers who never gave up on their company”; and Anne M. Mulcahy of Xerox, who focused on morale and development of her people even as she implemented painful cuts.

But Ms. Dweck does not suggest that recruiters ignore innate talent. Instead, she suggests looking for both talent and a growth mind-set in prospective hires — people with a passion for learning who thrive on challenge and change.

After reading her book, Scott Forstall, senior vice president of Apple in charge of iPhone software, contacted Ms. Dweck to talk about his experience putting together the iPhone development team. Mr. Forstall told her that he identified a number of superstars within various departments at Apple and asked them in for a chat.

At the beginning of each interview, he warned the recruit that he couldn’t reveal details of the project he was working on. But he promised the opportunity, Ms. Dweck says, “to make mistakes and struggle, but eventually we may do something that we’ll remember the rest of our lives.”

Only people who immediately jumped at the challenge ended up on the team. “It was his intuition that he wanted people who valued stretching themselves over being king of their particular hill,” she says.

People with a growth mind-set tend to demonstrate the kind of perseverance and resilience required to convert life’s setbacks into future successes. That ability to learn from experience was cited as the No. 1 ingredient for creative achievement in a poll of 143 creativity researchers cited in “Handbook of Creativity” in 1999.

Which leads one to ask: Is it possible to shift from a fixed mind-set to a growth mind-set?

Absolutely, according to Ms. Dweck. But, “it’s not easy to just let go of something that has felt like your self for many years,” she writes. Still, she says, “nothing is better than seeing people find their way to things they value.”

Janet Rae-Dupree writes about science and emerging technology in Silicon Valley.

Source: NY TIMES

‘Take a Hard Left’ or Face Your Fear?

Wednesday, March 12th, 2008


One of my clients recently said “I give up! I’m done. I’m so overwhelmed I just want to end it. Just a quick hard left over a bridge and it would be over.” Well, that’s just a bright cheery thought now, isn’t it?! I think/hope she is just kidding! So you may ask…What is going on with her? — She is dealing with incredible fear. Now I could side, agree with her, and keep her stuck– afterall, she is going through difficult times… Or I can offer her a solution.

One solution to calm FEAR in the moment (this is quoted from Become Fearless): “Before you’re about to do something scary (confront a friend, start a new job, ask for a date), imagine someone who would be proud or grateful if you took this risk. It could be a relative, a mentor, your inner child, or a historic or fictional character. Before you step into your scary situation, visualize this person by your side, holding your hand, or in your arms. Let yourself really feel their presence—and take them in with you. You’re not alone, and there is strength in numbers!”

I do this exercise on a regular basis. I imagine my special someone with me all the time. In my mind, he holds me, whispers he loves me, kisses me on the shoulder and I even imagine him teasing me and saying “why don’t you just cry about it!!” when I am really feeling the fear! Then I laugh at myself and step into my fear.

Do you get in your own way?

Monday, December 31st, 2007

Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves.

- Robert Frost

When you think of what keeps you from living your dreams, it’s easy to overlook your own responsibility. Procrastination, disorganization, pessimism, focusing on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback–these are all ways you can make it difficult to be and do your best.

Developing good systems, the right attitude, and a promise to never give up can make all the difference!

Let go of Perfectionism, be Wabi Sabi

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

I’m doing the best I can do. Every day I become more true to me. Some days I take a step back (or two). I used to beat myself up for not being perfect. I used to make that mean I wasn’t good enough. My kids would act out and I used to make that mean I was a “bad” mom. I used to make that a sign that I should just give up.

“Give up “and “I can’t” aren’t in my vocabulary anymore. I simply won’t let my ego get the best of me. The truth is, I am good enough, the truth is I am lovable just the way I am. Too many times I hear people say, someday when, or when I get this, do that, lose this much weight, I will be good enough. NOT TRUE.

There is a Japanese term called wabi sabi, it describes the beauty of imperfection. Transcending to a simpler, more accepting life. I love that. It gives all of us permission to live as our true selves without fear of mistakes, it allows our scars, our slip ups, our failures to add to, not take away from our beauty of being human.

I once told the love of my life that he was “wabi sabi”, it was in that moment I knew I loved him. I think the way I explained it was not so eloquent and he was initially offended but it was meant as the highest compliment to his grace of beauty in living authentically. A characteristic I truly admire and aspire to embody. Wabi Sabi shows me to see the beauty in making mistakes and how it allows me to build a more authentic (not better) me. It communicates that the whole of someone or something is lovable, not in spite of but because of it’s flaws.

I know that I will make mistakes and be “imperfect”, as will others. If I can forgive myself, I certainly can forgive others and continue to care and love them even if their heart is closed. There is a saying what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. I am stronger from my mistakes. Just shame on me if I don’t learn or change from them.

In my effort to be more authentic everyday, I give up perfectionism and success in traditional (awards, monetary and material gains) terms. Success to me now is a successful present moment. I tell my ego to hush when it berates me or tries to convince me I need to be more than just myself. I aspire to live a more wabi sabi life, not a perfect life. Enjoying life for it’s simple pleasures and beautiful moments.

RESOURCES
Wabi Sabi:
Wabi Sabi’s simplicity
Wikipedia
Still in the Stream

The ego and being present to the moment:
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

Find Your True You tip #16 – Let go of perfectionism, guilt, control and timelines

Friday, October 19th, 2007


Learn to let go. Letting go is hard. We cling to what is comfortable and predictable even if it is unhealthy or not our BEST life.

Make a list of what is draining you that you can dump or delegate to someone else. Also, let go of perfectionism, guilt, control, and specific timelines.